my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
dude. I can hear the air.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
