So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just googled if crying burns calories
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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