she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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