Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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