Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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