Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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