Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
