I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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