so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
