We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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