I am puke
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
