please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
