I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
