went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
