That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
