we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
