I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
