He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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