You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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