she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
