i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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