i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
