And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
