apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
There's always time for handjobs
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
