i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
