My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
