Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
