You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
