There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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