Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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