Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
