$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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