yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
