Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
