Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
