I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
