there's paper in my vomit.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
