the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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