I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
