ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We are two peas in an std pod
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
