cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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