just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
