this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
