we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
