Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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