I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
