drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
