You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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