i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
