when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
