Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
