He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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